Glorious Descent

Glorious Descent
Acrylic on canvas 60 x 40cm

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Lesson of Survivial

I like to think I am good at giving advice, I can be a convincing person, but I never seem to be able to implement it in my own life. I out manoeuvre my own thought processes and undercut my opinions. When commiserating with a good friend as to the problem of getting up every morning, how to live life more comfortably, how to get through, I found myself suggesting that each small event we encounter should be embraced and done well. I know too well that it is easy to lose one's appetite, let your bedroom fall in chaos and alienate yourself. I scoffed in frustration at a work colleague who suggested that the very fact that you eat and drink means you're surviving and you will be ok, bull shit ! - anyone can operate on auto pilot if they wish to, but it does not mean you are doing ok. Look at the figures in Brack's paintings for example, this is not the way to live. One needs the 'will' to put food in your mouth, the 'desire' to decorate your room the ability to 'bask' in the sun, otherwise it is meaningless and we become the pawns on a chess board.

To embrace the immediate tasks at hand means eliminating the potential negativity your brain can manifest and blocking any thought of what next. It is not about wearing a false coat of optimism, it is simply about focusing your thought. I took this advice today. I awoke in bed and knew I needed to eat, there were precious hours before I had to go to work, time in which I had to be productive, make decisions and 'cope'. I tried my hardest and rose with the thought of the ingredients in the fridge. No bread, hmmm, no traditional eggs on toast then. I improvised with the pantry... a can of beans, half a tomato, a little feta, the stove stood waiting and my tummy was rumbling. Head into gear, armed with a fry pan and knife I set about creating.

I am in love with pancetta, how you throw it onto a fry pan for a few seconds and it spits and hisses as it folds into fantastic crispy shapes. mmmm and so salty. I fried up the beans with a litltle balsamic and chopped tomatoes, they went a bit mushy, which was great to mould into a shape on my plate. Then I crumbled some fetta on top and ripped off a handful of watercress leaves to press into the cheese. Then finally put the crispy pancetta on top. It looked like an erupting volcanoe and if I were to have painted it I probably would have made dabs of paint that looked like beans and chosen an equally iridescent green like the watercress (even though it is not true to life) I probably shouldn't have used any vinegar, the flavour was a bit too much and slab of sour dough on the side would have gone down a treat, but the act of making was enough.

I guess I found something in the act of carrying out a mundane activity like eating breakfast to make it more interesting. I didn't think ' I am eating this because I need sustenance so that I can push trolleys of butter around with great strength and stamina when I get to work'. I took the moment and ran with it.

I hope that this new tactic works, at least for little while. Until I don't feel like I need tactics, when things happen naturally.

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